


Nino Lahiffe's Official (Unofficial) Ladybug Certified (Ladybug would like it to be known that she did not approve this at all) Hit List (of people he probably won't actually kill)

by maddiebug



Series: A Complete List of my List-Based fics [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gabriel is an asshole, Jokes about murder, Lists, Mentions of Death, Mild Language, Nino has a kill list, No Beta we Die like Chat Noir, ladybug just has no comment on the situation, no beta we die like Chat Noir's dad should, one (1) gun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25329226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiebug/pseuds/maddiebug
Summary: In which Chat's father is an asshole, Nino Lahiffe has a hit list (for legal reasons that's a joke) and Adrien wonders why he's never seen Nino's list before...And unknown to any of the characters, all three people on Nino's list are actually the same person
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Plagg
Series: A Complete List of my List-Based fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1834495
Comments: 38
Kudos: 330





	Nino Lahiffe's Official (Unofficial) Ladybug Certified (Ladybug would like it to be known that she did not approve this at all) Hit List (of people he probably won't actually kill)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [People to Kill](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25315672) by [walkingonthestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkingonthestars/pseuds/walkingonthestars). 



> Typing this on my sisters computer which does not have all my autocorrect edits, so if you see "Marionette" or "Darien" just know it was an accident and ill probably edit it tomorrow.
> 
> Also uhh why the f does hawkmoth keep aitocorrecting to Hamilton.that makes zero sense, how often is my sister writing about Hamilton? Actually I don't want to know. I have zero desire to know if she ever wrote Hamilton fanfic yikes. At least I never did... usually on my computer it auto corrects to hawkish. I don't need these 2016 war flashbacks what is this

Nino Lahiffe's Hit List:

  1. Hawkmoth



It was first written on a sticky note at school.

Right after Stoneheart, Nino decided that Hawkmoth was an asshole and something needed to he done about it. 

Any person who terrorized a city for magical jewelry needed to be stopped. No matter the cost. 

Nino had no actual plans to kill the villain, but if/when the opportunity presented itself, he wouldn't be opposed.

If Ladybug loaded a gun and handed it to Nino, (which would never happen for multiple reasons, like the fact that he is a child and she is a child and neither of them should ever have a gun holy shit that would be a disaster,) he would not hesitate to pull the trigger on Hawkmoth.

Hawkmoth was a despicable human being, and that was not a phrase that Nino used lightly. 

He never really showed anyone the list, but it lived on the inside of his locker. Whenever anyone asked, he was more than happy to explain. 

Alix had the audacity to point out that it wasn't actually a list because it only had one person on it, lists generally have multiple items, and Nino will not admit how close he came to writing Alix's name on the list.

He didn't, because Alix was usually pretty cool, and even when they were annoying, Nino didn't want to kill them.

Not like Hawkmoth. Hawkmoth was going down. 

2\. Gabriel Agreste

Nino became best friends with Adrien as soon as they met. Seriously, the kid was like sunshine personified. 

From the beginning, Nino knew that Adrien's dad was strict, but he had no idea how controlling Gabriel Agreste actually was. 

First, he wouldn't let Adrien stay at any friend's houses. It was weird, but maybe Gabriel was one of those parents who only let their kids go to houses if they knew the family. It was weird, yeah, but not unheard of. Besides, after what happened with Adrien's mom, it made sense that he was a little overprotective.

At first, Nino thought that Adrien was an overachiever. He had high grades, and participated in multiple sports and activities. He was a member of the fencing team, the videogame club, and the physics club, and still managed to get top marks in every class.

Sure, Adrien had been homeschooled and was a little ahead, but he had so much on his plate. He clearly had to study his ass off. Nino respected that.

One day, Adrien admitted that his father made him participate in all of those activities (except videogame Club, that was a deeply cherished secret). He required his son to get top grades and had apparently threatened to pull Adrien out of school if his grades slipped. 

When Nino heard that, he was pissed. 

Then, Nino found out about the photo shoots. Apparently, Adrien had to wake up before school to do photo shoots for his father's brand. It all seemed fine, until he found out that Adrien actually wasn't getting paid (the money went back to Gabriel Agreste) and the amount of hours he worked per week was considered overtime for minors (except if they were helping with a family run business, like Marinette in the bakery, which technically Adrien was but it shouldn't count like that)

Nino felt livid. The man was restricting Adrien's entire life. He had no time for fun or even to relax. His sleep was interrupted by akuma at night and modelling in the morning. His days were filled with stressful moments and it was a miracle he was able to pull it together and not sleep in class.

Nino decided he hated Gabriel Agreste, but he didn't want to kill him, at first. After all, he was Adrien's father, and his smothering, controlling nature could be how he showed his love. It was a terrible way, and Adrien would probably have to go to therapy as an adult for trauma, but Nino wasn't going to kill his father. 

The final straw was snapped when Nino became the Bubbler. 

It was only then that he realized how much of an Asshole Gabriel Agreste was. One to rival even Hawkmoth. He deserved to be on the list. 

He denied his son the one, simple request of a small get-together with friends. In retaliation, Nino threw the best (worst, because he was akumatized and all the guests were forced to be there and semi-miserable), and only birthday party that Adrien had ever had. 

It was after that event, that Gabriel Agreste was added to the list. 

Nino would not hesitate to kill him on sight.

3\. Chat Noir's Father

Nino had never met the man, but he personally sounded like the worst. (Which means scarily close to Gabriel Agreste.)

One day, Chat went on an rant to Carapace about his father and he said enough and things to out the man on the list. 

Seriously. 

He ignored his son, he shut himself away all the time, and worst of all, wouldn't let Chat hang out with friends. It sounded horrible. Horribly familiar. 

There was a lot more, but Chat wouldn't share because he didn't want to reveal his identity. Still, he had said enough, and the name was added to Nino's list, which after being stolen by Chat, was immediately taken by Ladybug.

"Why have I never seen this? You should've shown me?" Chat looked at the wrinkly sticky-note. "Should I even ask about the other people on the list?"

"Well," Nino shrugged, "Hawkmoth is an asshole-"

"Agreed."

"And I can't explain the second one without revealing myself, but he sucks."

"I'll have to take your word for it."

"I'd kill any of them on sight." 

Ladybug suddenly joined their conversation. "Who are we killing."

"No one."

"Ni- Carapace's hit list." Chat shared helpfully. "Look."

"Let me see." Ladybug snatched it from his hands. "Yes, yes and yes."

"What?"

"I approve of this. In fact, I'll help you take them down."

"Really?" Nino quickly scribbled "Ladybug approved" at the top of his list.

"Really?" Chat raised an eyebrow, "because last time we discussed Cataclysming my dad-"

"You guys discuss that?"

"No!" Ladybug cried, trying to keep her reputation 

Except, at the exact same time, Chat Noir said, "Yeah."

"Okay, maybe once or twice." She agreed. "But its a bad idea."

"I mean, we all agree on it, right? He sucks."

"No." Ladybug laughed. "We can't kill anyone."

"Even Hawkmoth?"

"Even my dad?"

"No." She blinked. "Are you okay Chat? Like- there was no hesitation..."

"Yeah, we're worried about you bro."

"I'm fine. Really." 

...

A few years later, Hawkmoth was defeated, and Gabriel Agreste was revealed to the public. 

Then, the heroes got together, and Nino found out that Adrien and Chat were the same person...

Which meant that all along, his kill list had only had one person. It wasn't a list at all.

Alix was right all along. Like a time traveler of something. 

The second real person to go on the list was Lila Rossi.

Nino almost put Felix Gramh De Vanilly on the list, but he wasn't entirely unconvinced that Felix wasn't just Adrien with an ugly hairstyle in a bad mood.

Anything was possible, really. 

It was just crazy that the three people that Nino was ready to kill were actually the same person.

Nino borrowed the Ladybug miraculous and the lucky charm gave him a gun.

That could only mean one thing...

**Author's Note:**

> I just had the best idea for a stupid reveal where Marionette tells Adrien to act casual and he starts to moonwalk and asdfgfhssjjdj I have to write it 
> 
> Sorry for the weird formatting and that one part at the end that's dialogue when the rest is all exposition.  
> Feel free to tell me about any typos, this hasn't been edited yet.
> 
> Let me know what you think, comments and kudos always appreciated.  
> ....
> 
> Hey, do you read/write/art for this fandom? Check out the [ miraculous fanworks ](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) discord server.


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